Decisions

In the last couple of years, and particularly in the last year, my husband and I have had to make some difficult   decisions.  And we've had to make them over and over, it seems.  Every single decision has brought with it a sense of unquiet.  I guess I've always hoped that when we make a decision that along with that would come peace.  A sense that we're doing the right thing, moving in the right direction, that the decision is good and right.  I have to confess that I've rarely experienced this.  It's disquieting. It's disheartening.  I could even say it's a little scary.

With the latest decision, just made two days ago, I have that same feeling of confusion (not of God!) and lack of confidence.  I've been exploring this and come to a conclusion:  saying "Yes" to something always means saying "No" to other options. These other options can be good and even preferable.  We do our best to do what we think is best, even if not preferable.  This can be so painful and difficult!!!  But there it is.  Other options were preferable, but not best.  So what do I do with that?

Well, what I've been doing is focusing on what we've said "No" to, instead of focusing on the "Yes".  In order to move forward (and stay sane) I have to begin focusing on the "Yes" and regarding the future with hope.  I need to remember all of the reasons we made the decision we did.  Afterall, it is the best decision. We throw ourselves on the mercy of God and ask for forgiveness for missteps and grace for the journey!  We praise Him for his patience and guidance!

Thursday Mornings...

This fall, Thursdays have been a glimpse into my childless (at home) future.  Kylie is working and Keller is doing school at a friend's house.  I'm not sure how I'm doing with it.  Evaluating this quiet Thursday afternoon.  The sad thing is that I'm not really that impressed with how I spend... waste?... my time.  I tell myself it's because things have been so crazy.  I need, or deserve, this "down time". But I'm pretty sure that's a cop-out.
One week from today is Thanksgiving.  Are there things I could be doing toward making that day special?  Sure there are! Am I doing anything about it?  Nope!  My college boy will be home tomorrow night.  His bed is totally covered over with the stuff he dropped here last time he was home.  Could be doing something about that... Nah!  Sigh... need. to. move.  Productivity is necessary.  God help me!