Decisions

In the last couple of years, and particularly in the last year, my husband and I have had to make some difficult   decisions.  And we've had to make them over and over, it seems.  Every single decision has brought with it a sense of unquiet.  I guess I've always hoped that when we make a decision that along with that would come peace.  A sense that we're doing the right thing, moving in the right direction, that the decision is good and right.  I have to confess that I've rarely experienced this.  It's disquieting. It's disheartening.  I could even say it's a little scary.

With the latest decision, just made two days ago, I have that same feeling of confusion (not of God!) and lack of confidence.  I've been exploring this and come to a conclusion:  saying "Yes" to something always means saying "No" to other options. These other options can be good and even preferable.  We do our best to do what we think is best, even if not preferable.  This can be so painful and difficult!!!  But there it is.  Other options were preferable, but not best.  So what do I do with that?

Well, what I've been doing is focusing on what we've said "No" to, instead of focusing on the "Yes".  In order to move forward (and stay sane) I have to begin focusing on the "Yes" and regarding the future with hope.  I need to remember all of the reasons we made the decision we did.  Afterall, it is the best decision. We throw ourselves on the mercy of God and ask for forgiveness for missteps and grace for the journey!  We praise Him for his patience and guidance!

Thursday Mornings...

This fall, Thursdays have been a glimpse into my childless (at home) future.  Kylie is working and Keller is doing school at a friend's house.  I'm not sure how I'm doing with it.  Evaluating this quiet Thursday afternoon.  The sad thing is that I'm not really that impressed with how I spend... waste?... my time.  I tell myself it's because things have been so crazy.  I need, or deserve, this "down time". But I'm pretty sure that's a cop-out.
One week from today is Thanksgiving.  Are there things I could be doing toward making that day special?  Sure there are! Am I doing anything about it?  Nope!  My college boy will be home tomorrow night.  His bed is totally covered over with the stuff he dropped here last time he was home.  Could be doing something about that... Nah!  Sigh... need. to. move.  Productivity is necessary.  God help me!

Fall is finally here!  September 12 and we're having a lovely chilly morning.  The sky is covered in heavy clouds full of potential relief from the drought!  Fall is my favorite season.  I love the sights, sounds and feel of this most blessed of seasons.  Perhaps it's partly because it leads to my second favorite season - winter!

This year, though, I find myself wondering if it's the coziness of the season.  The return to home, hearth, routine (such as it is!) .  The summer is active, chaotic, sporadic, busy!  And while the busyness doesn't lessen in the fall - in many ways it picks up - it does move into more regular patterns.  Patterns can be comforting.  Even though we're still preoccupied with the many activities in which we choose to be involved, they are more scheduled, falling into an expected rhythm.

I guess the older I get, the more I appreciate knowing what's coming at me!  Or, perhaps it's not my age, but the season we've been in - what feels like a very loooong season - of living in the limbo of an unknown future.  I crave something - anything! - that is a known!

Go USA!!!

I love the Olympics!  London 2012 has not disappointed! Michael Phelps has achieved what no other athlete in the world has - an unprecedented 22 Olympic Medals - 18 of them Gold!  World records have been shattered and set, as well as Olympic records.  I love to watch people do what they're best at doing.  The passion these athletes bring to their respective sports is more than impressive - it's inspirational.  All of this achievement and excellence and passion - what's not to love?

But my favorite part is the stories.  Every one of these athletes, from every country, has a story.  All of the stories contain elements of talent, skill, hard work, passion. But many of them also have elements of sacrifice - often heartbreaking sacrifice.  These stories touch my heart in a way that I have found to be unique to the Olympics for me. These stories are the main reason I can barely peel myself away from the TV for the duration of the Games!  Eight more exciting days!!!

Happy Independence Day!!!  And a blessing on those who serve!

Welcome to my new blog!!!

I'm really excited to have a new home and new look - without ads!!! Yay!  I have just moved all of the content from my former blog over here to Blogger.  I guess there are advantages to have not been a very frequent blogger until recently!  I'm hoping that this new site will enable me to add more of my photos to my posts, too!  Anyway... welcome and enjoy!

Book Review: The Clairvoyant Countess

This is the first in a series by Dorothy Gilman.  A friend from my daughter's book club recommended her as one of her favorite mystery authors.  I reviewed another of her books, The Nun in the Closet, last year.  I've also read Incident at Badyama and The Unexpected Mrs. Polifax, from her acclaimed Mrs. Polifax series.  I've thoroughly enjoyed each of these books!  Ms. Gilman is  a great story-teller and masterful in the mystery genre.

The Clairvoyant Countess is the story of Madame Karitska who has the gift of clairvoyance, but who doesn't believe in using it for personal gain - until she runs out of any other options for supporting herself.  This book is interesting because it's not one long case, but several she becomes involved in through her clients and her new friendship with a police detective she meets when she tries to keep a client (unsuccessfully) from being murdered.   There are are recurring characters - the detective, a boy and another gentlemen, both of whom are clairvoyant themselves.  The countess is helping the latter learn to appreciate and use their gifts.   It's light, interesting, enjoyable reading.  And there is even some quotable philosophy from the wise Mrs. Karitska!  This passage spoke to me in particular:

You are suffering from a severe case of creative discontent, my dear Mr. Faber-Jones.  How else do you think people can look for something new unless they become thoroughly oppressed and sated by the old?  This is very promising!

So the malaise I've been feeling?  It's good!  All part of the looking for something new!
June 20,2012

I think I'm suffering withdrawal!

Headaches, poor sleep, hot all the time, struggling to accomplish anything productive, eating is out of control.  The symptoms are that of a mild depression.  I need me some mountains!!!  And some time with my hubby.  After spending hours and hours in the car with my Sweetie and going to the mountains with him, it's hard to go back to the day-in-day-out of being without him.  Per's and my hearts are there, if we could only bring it into the physical realities of our lives!

But, once again, I'm reminded - Seek Him first, and all these things will be added unto you.  HE is my reason to live.  There are no promises about life here on earth, but when I finally live in the reality that it's all about Him and me becoming like Him, there should be peace, contentment, joy  - no matter where our physical location or earthly circumstances, right?  Praying that as I seek Him that HE will give me the desires of my heart - that the desires I have are from Him.  In the meantime, I'm thankful for all I have - the good and the bad - because he promises that it's ALL for my good.
June 20,2012

Guess I'm a mountain girl!

  We just got home from a few days in the Rockies.  Boy, do I love it there!  I woke up at 3:30 and can’t go back to sleep because I’m so dang HOT!  Yuck!  In Colorado, we left our hotel window open at night!  It was warm during the days, but it was a “dry heat”! Ha!  Oh, well…  I love Kansas, but I’m not a real fan of summer here!  Thank goodness we can look forward to going back in August... if I haven't melted by then!

June 18, 2012

Time Math

I've noticed a disturbing trend in my habits....  The less time I have and the more I have to do, the more time I spend doing things not on my list!  What's that about?  I've always been a procrastinator and have loudly proclaimed that I "work better under pressure" or that "I am more productive when I have a tight deadline".  I sure hope those claims are true today!  Because here I am, writing a blog, when I leave town for seven days early tomorrow morning.  Have I packed? No!  Is the laundry even done? No!  Is the house tidied for our house/dog sitter?  Um... no, not really!  There is definitely something wrong with this picture!  I'm getting up now....  right now....  watch me go.... bye!
June 8, 2012

Two Book Reviews

Hail to the Chef by Julie Hyzy - I like this White House Chef Series.  They're interesting for folks interested in the culinary arts and politics!  (Good recipes included in the back, too!)  This story included bomb scares, electrocution, and Christmas preparations at the White House.  Just easy, enjoyable reading!

The Lovely Bones by Alice Sebold - This haunting and tragic story's subject matter is not for the sensitive or faint-of-heart,  but the story-telling is something  special!  This author is really wonderful. I'm compelled to read her other books,  although I do balk a little at the harsh  subject matter.  This is the book that the recent movie was based upon.  It is told  from the perspective of a 14 year old girl  who was raped and murdered and who now watches the fall out of this tragedy  from "her heaven".  Beautifully told.  Painfully honest.  I recommend it highly if you truly appreciate good story telling, but  NOT if the subject matter might be  too hard for you.  I did cry - but more over the sweetness of the overcoming aspects.  It is a hopeful book - even though it's not all happy stuff.  Now that I've read the book, I feel prepared to watch the movie.  I enjoy the compare and contrast of reading and then watching.
June 5, 2012

What happened to the proverbial "lazy days of summer"???

I've read in books about getting bored as the hot, lazy summer lumbers along.  Days on end with nothing much to do but entertain yourself... somehow... with books and movies and outings for ice cream and picnics in the park.... sigh...  That's just not a part of the American landscape anymore, I guess.  But could it be?  A girl can dream!

In the month of May, we had a show, went to Branson for a few days, picked our son up from college, had him home for a short week and then sent him off to Basic Training on Memorial Day.  In between all this we've begun packing for our move (when? where?) and sold some things ...  It's been crazy!  Now June is upon us.  I spent the weekend preparing meals for a bunch of young artists (including my 2) this weekend.  Fun, but hard work - and I'm tired!

To look forward to... we'll continue to pack the house and our suitcases as the kids prepare to head to Texas for a fun week at the beach with the aunt, uncle and cousins.  My hubby and I will drive them down and then head to Colorado via Coldwater with a visit with the folks-in-law.  While the kids are at the beach, we'll head to the mountains to check out Longmont, CO.  We'll come home and then pick our kids up in Wichita on Sunday - and then the summer camps begin!  6 weeks of making meals for campers.  And... at some point a date and place will be set for the move.

Maybe I can hope for a lazy fall?  Nah!
June 4, 2012

Happy Memorial Day!

This Memorial Day is different for me.  We're a military family now.  In a little bit we're leaving for Springfield, Mo.  We drop our son off tomorrow morning at 4:30am (what is it with the military and their early mornings?!?) to leave for Basic Training at Fort Sill, OK.  10 weeks of HARD.  I know he can do it;  I've seen him step up into hard things many times before and come out on the other side a better man.  He's realistic and loathe to fail, so he'll do well!  It helps me to know that his college room mate and Guard buddy will be there with him - even if they aren't in the same platoon, they'll have a familiar face on base.  That's gotta help - right?

While I've always had a keen appreciation for those who serve and have served in our military - and for their families - this appreciation has grown through a more personal knowledge of all that goes into serving.  Bless you, men and women of the armed forces and your families!  Happy Memorial Day!

May 28, 2012

Growing up

Growing up is really a mixed bag, isn't it?  My children are getting to the "leaving the nest" stage and it's really gratifying and heart-wrenching all at once!  If you've been there, you know exactly what I mean.

My oldest has a year of college under his belt at a school that only the Lord Himself could get him into.  We are SO grateful for the opportunity for him to learn at such a unique and wonderful institution!  A privilege, indeed.  Now he's home for a VERY short week before we send him off to Basic Training in Oklahoma, where he'll spend 10 weeks of his summer learning to be a soldier.  I love his patriotism and his realism, but I still have mixed emotions.  I love having him home, but we get this week and two weeks in August before back to college he goes.  Sigh...  Trying to make the most of it - but it is literally flying by!

So, as they grow up, so must I.  No pouting or complaining about the way things are - they just are, and that's to be gracefully accepted.  And really, truly (for the most part) I like the way things are - really, I do.  I love that my son is becoming a man that I am so proud to claim as mine!  I love that he's making his way and making grown up decisions.  I love that he's growing as a man, a Christian and a patriot.  I couldn't be prouder... but sometimes, growing up is hard - for all of us!

May 26, 2012

Book Review: Miss Peregrine's Home for Peculiar Children

I would love to introduce you to Miss Peregrine and her Peculiar Children.  What a delightful book.  Part mystery/suspense, part sci-fi,this book is one of the most different and interesting I've read lately.  The author, Ransom Riggs, who has a most excellent name, is a fascinating character in and of himself.  He is a collector of vintage photographs, many of which he has used in his story.  A clever and unusual twist.  I can't really tell too much about the story, because I don't want to give anything away!  But I highly recommend it!!!  And here's the author's website:  www.ransomriggs.com Enjoy!

May 25, 2012

Back to our regular (okay, NOT so regular!) program...

So, it's been a year - what's been going on?  We didn't go to NZ, obviously.  Just recently we've come to some realizations about how that has affected us...

We were initially disappointed but, at the same time, relieved.  Going to NZ would have been a huge sacrifice on our family's part and there were many details that we would have had to work through that would have made it really hard - like what to do with our pets?!?!  That was MY main issue! :o)  But as time has passed, we realize that there are other things - emotional fallout - from this plan falling through.  Don't get me wrong, we totally trust that it was RIGHT that we are still here, not down under. 

However, this was a stepping out in faith like we had never attempted before.  And the emotional reaction is that we fell flat.

We've currently been in a holding pattern for over a year - really three years with all of our house issues.  What's next?  I think it's part mid-life crisis (what are we doing with our lives???) and part let-down over past disappointments (teaching, NZ, arts involvements, misplaced expectations).  It's also has a great deal to the drifting nature of our relationships (individually and as a couple) with God.

We're allowing ourselves to dream.  Entertaining some risk.  Returning to seeker status.  Doubting a lot.  Waiting a lot.

Time is running out on our living situation, we are beginning to feel that a decision about our future is being forced.  I mean, if we have to move, might not this be the time to make a MAJOR move?  Who knows - certainly not us.  But we're trying to trust in the One - the only one - who does know...  Proactivity sounds SO good... ready to see how it feels!

May 25, 2012

NZ Update

This month the family with whom we were going to NZ to start a Trilogy is leaving the country to take up residence down under.  We, however, will not be joining them.  It seems that the timing for a Trilogy NZ was not right.  We, of course, are disappointed, but from the beginning we've held this opportunity in an open hand, knowing that it was God's deal, not ours.  We also realize that this change in plans for our family is totally in God's hands, too.  Now we look forward to God's invitation to join Him in another place - even if it's in what He's doing right here at home!
March 19, 2011

Spring thunderstorm

Today I had the very rare opportunity to take a walk in a rainstorm.  Actually, it wasn't raining much as I walked, but the sky was filled with lightning and the thunder was rolling.  It was spectacular!!!  What a neat way to enjoy the burgeoning spring!
March 19, 2011

Book Update

I'm checking back in on my Reading List and I realize that I've yet to finish the book that was in the "Now Reading" spot when last I posted - oh, 3 months ago!  (The Place Between)  Sad... I need to finish it.  I have been reading some, however, and in the meantime, I read a book called A Northern Light which I enjoyed quite a bit.  It's set in the Northwoods - very poor people, very hard times.  The main character is a bright young lady who wants to go to college to become a writer.  Her teacher has discovered that she has quite a talent and is doing everything she can to make the college dream come true.  But circumstances conspire against her making it seem quite impossible for this dream to come to pass.  She is following quite a different path, as a matter of fact!  Her father agrees to let her work at one of the resort hotels to make some extra money for the family and there she encounters a mystery - which she resolves - that sets her mind in the direction of her heart.  The author has some beautiful passages about words and reading - passions of the main character - that are quite lovely!  Especially poignant for someone who loves words and reading! :o)

Nudge, nudge!

We're visiting family this Spring Break and my sister-in-law asks me if I blog... I have to say that I was at a bit of a loss as to how to answer!  Do I blog?  Hmmm.... great question!  YES! I want to answer emphatically!  But when I haven't posted in a few months, can I really answer that way???  Blogging is something I want to do... so I'm gonna do it!  Spring is a great time to breathe new life into projects that fall by the wayside - and boy, do I have a bunch of those!  So - Happy Spring!   Here's to bringing new energy to the things we love!

In case I ever wondered...

I need not doubt that God is indeed involved in what's going on in my life! He has proven it over and over, time and time again. Through people - their words and actions towards me . Through circumstances - that timely gift or those times when something "goes my way" or a difficulty is eased without my addressing it myself. And now through a daily devotional!

A few weeks ago I subscribed to the Family Christian Stores' daily e-devotional called "Wisdom Hunters".  (Which I highly recommend, by the way!) Almost everyday the topic has directly spoken to something I'm dealing with. Here are some examples...

8/10 - Humiliation's Hope; 8/12 - Forgiveness Empowers; 8/13 - Leaders are Learners. All of these on the tail of some leadership mistakes that cost me dearly in the anger and frustration aimed my way.

As I was dealing with how to fix some of the mess I'd made, here are some of the topics that came to my inbox: Prayerful Planning, Kindness and Compassion, Self-Made Myth, Exhaustive Image Control, Leaders Adapt... really?!?! I love it!

This happened to all be during a much-needed time away with my family in the beauty of Colorado. Upon our return, we discovered that Per wasn't getting the job we left town thinking he had. So what devotionals are in my inbox? How about: Calm Assurance, Peace of Mind, Benefits of Brokenness, Wisdom's Wealth and Selfless Prayer.

We went on a Boy Scout Leadership campout and the day we came home, this was the topic: Servant Leadership!

In dealing with some challenges on the scouting front with a new venture we're attempting I had helpful offerings such as: Rush God, Holy Spirit Compelled and Challenge the Process! It's truly been uncanny!

I LOUDLY hear God telling me that He is intimately aware and involved in everything going on with me right now. And I'm just so very thankful... very thankful!

www.wisdomhuntersdevotional.com

How time flies...

when you're busier than all get-out! Since my last post we welcomed my youngest back from a week in California, did an entire musical - which was difficult in many aspects, but successful - we helped with a dozen summer camps, went to AHG summer camp, sent my oldest off to Philmont and then off to upstate New York for a month, went to the AHG national conference and 15th birthday celebration in Ohio, attended the Willow Creek Global Leadership Summit, went to Colorado for 9 days, went on a canoe trip, started an all-girl BSA Venture Crew and Per got and lost a job!!! Whew! Yeah, now you know why I haven't blogged!!! It's been one crazy summer!

Most recently was the job debacle. We had high hopes for this opportunity - Per was given the job, but then lost it due to not getting government clearance - for whatever mysterious reason? When Per got the e-mail it was very clear that while they were aware that he'd have questions, that they had no answers. The government just gives or denies clearance with no explanations.

We're just in the same place we have been for the last two years - trusting Him that He's up to something we're just not privvy to at this point! We know we're already different people because of what we've been walking through and He's just not finished with us yet! The same is true of Him with the job and without - He's in control and at work and our job is to trust Him and keep doing what we know to do.

Ya know - government clearance is nothing to God. If He wanted Per at GD, he'd be there. Because we thought he was there we took a vacation (on the cheap, but Per wasn't working while we were gone, so we're "paying" for it now!) which we wouldn't have taken if we didn't think he had the job.  And it was a much-needed, very restorative time. Also, I wouldn't have let go of the school job. Maybe (or maybe not) that was why we went through this with GD? Sometimes God is a little like the government in this way - we have questions, but He holds on to the answers. At least for a time. And that needs to be okay.

Adventure in New Zealand

Have you ever been so excited about something that you're almost afraid to talk about it?!?

Several days ago I posted that there was a potentially course-altering opportunity for our family! And now I can tell you that WE ARE MOVING TO NEW ZEALAND!!! Probably next summer we'll be heading to New Zealand to help some friends start a new Trilogy NZ! Trilogy is the theater school we've been involved in for the last year, since its founding, here in Kansas. One of the piano teachers and his wife and 3 kiddos are moving back home (wife is from NZ) and they want to take Trilogy with them! We'll be supporting them in their start-up efforts for the first year or so!

From the very first time we heard Trilogy NZ mentioned, we felt a tug from the Lord that we were to be involved in this. It's just been obvious since that first hearing that this was something that He would have us to do! We've never quite felt this degree of "call" before, and let me tell you - it's THRILLING! God's fingerprints are all over this thing and there is nothing quite as exciting as being invited into what He's doing!

I'll be keeping you updated on progress and news as we prepare over the coming year to become part of the Kiwi culture! We covet any prayer lifted up on our family's behalf and on Trilogy - stateside and in NZ!

Do you ever give up on a book?

I rarely do, but it does occasionally happen. I gave up on The Club Dumas. It's just too slow and cerebral for me!  Plus I'm pretty sure that the main plot was made into a movie starring Johnny Depp. And who wouldn't rather watch a Johnny Depp movie?!?!
So I've picked up a mystery recommended by a friend who is a fellow Agatha Christie fan. It's called A Nun in the Closet and it's by Dorothy Gilman. I like it bunches so far! The characters are interesting, unusual and fun! So, don't be looking for a review of The Club Dumas, but you'll see one soon for A Nun in the Closet!