So, it's been a year - what's been going on? We didn't go to NZ, obviously. Just recently we've come to some realizations about how that has affected us...
We were initially disappointed but, at the same time, relieved. Going to NZ would have been a huge sacrifice on our family's part and there were many details that we would have had to work through that would have made it really hard - like what to do with our pets?!?! That was MY main issue! :o) But as time has passed, we realize that there are other things - emotional fallout - from this plan falling through. Don't get me wrong, we totally trust that it was RIGHT that we are still here, not down under.
However, this was a stepping out in faith like we had never attempted before. And the emotional reaction is that we fell flat.
We've currently been in a holding pattern for over a year - really three years with all of our house issues. What's next? I think it's part mid-life crisis (what are we doing with our lives???) and part let-down over past disappointments (teaching, NZ, arts involvements, misplaced expectations). It's also has a great deal to the drifting nature of our relationships (individually and as a couple) with God.
We're allowing ourselves to dream. Entertaining some risk. Returning to seeker status. Doubting a lot. Waiting a lot.
Time is running out on our living situation, we are beginning to feel that a decision about our future is being forced. I mean, if we have to move, might not this be the time to make a MAJOR move? Who knows - certainly not us. But we're trying to trust in the One - the only one - who does know... Proactivity sounds SO good... ready to see how it feels!
May 25, 2012
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